How many cops does information technology take to change a light bulb? Why nosotros love laughing at the Police

Alfie Moore, policeman turned stand-upwardly comedian and star of It'south A Off-white Cop, explains why we honey having a joke at the Police's expense...

  • "The perfect criminal offence was committed last dark, when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets. Police say they have admittedly nothing to go on" – Ronnie Corbett

That is a fantastic, timeless classic, guaranteed to enhance a smile whether you're nine or ninety years quondam. Here'south another from the rex of the silly Police gag:

  • "Due west Mersea Law announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing loftier heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms" – Ronnie Corbett.

Cop jokes are funny – it's an irrefutable fact. But simply what is it near the boys and girls in blue that make them such proficient gag-fodder?

My grandparents grew up laughing at the Keystone Cops, my parents grew up laughing at Carry on Constable, and I grew upwards laughing at Officer Dibble in Top Cat. There were similarities: the Keystone Cops were bungling fools, the Carry on Constables weren't much better, and Officer Dibble was always beingness outsmarted by Elevation Cat. Cue the first distinctive stereotype that form the basis of Police jokes.

1. Cops are a bit thick

  • I got stopped terminal night past a policeman. Cop: I'1000 going to follow you to the nearest Police Station.' Me: "What for?" C op: "I've forgotten the style." – Tommy Cooper

This stereotype has been running for over 400 years and I tin can tell you who I blame – Shakespeare! One of his characters in Much Ado About Nothing was a Police watchman called Dogberry who was and then thick that he used more malapropisms than a late-dark Donald Trump Twitter rant. Who tin forget this Dogberry thigh-slapping classic:

  • "We will spare for no wit, I warrant you. Here'southward that shall drive some of them to a nonecome. Only get the learned writer to set downwardly our excommunication, and encounter me at the jail." – William Shakespeare

Despite your hysterical laughter, I'g sure that y'all spotted the gag? He used the word "excommunication" instead of "exam". Okay, that joke could've done with a bit of an edit. I mean, far be it from me to criticise the Bard, merely that man had longer set-ups than Stewart Lee...

I could be said to have kept the stereotype running with this little dazzler:

  • "I was speaking at a Police briefing the other day and a very senior Police force officer actually walked out. Turns out he was offended… after some of my jokes had been explained to him" – Alfie Moore

So, is it really true that coppers are a scrap thick? Put it this mode – I've been a cop for over 20 years and I had to Google the meaning of the word "malapropism"!

2. Cops are a bit fat

In this state we've always subscribed to the image of the rotund, avuncular, blood-red-faced hamlet bobby (the exception existence apparently dress detectives – who are all portrayed every bit alcoholics).

For the experts on "fat cop" jokes we have to get beyond the pond where the association between cops and doughnuts has been running for decades. There are various theories behind this, including the fact that cops working 24/7 had limited nutrient options. Even so, Dunkin' Donuts founder William Rosenberg actively encouraged officers into his premises to protect the stores. Tough gig.

Whatever the reason, the gags came thick and fast:

  • Cop: "Where are you going?" Commuter: "The donut shop." Cop: "Why were you driving at 110mph?" Commuter: "Because if I don't beat you there, there won't exist any donuts left." – Anon

Once once again, I've sometimes reinforced the fat cop stereotype on phase (merely mainly in KFC outlets...):

  • "I realised I was overweight when I recently chased an elderly shoplifter around Tescos… and she lapped me." – Alfie Moore

3. Cops are aggressive

  • "How many cops does it take to throw a prisoner downwards the stairs? None, he fell..." – Anon

An aggressive police officer may even set their canis familiaris on you. If that happens, attempt to follow this communication:

  • "If y'all're being chased by a police force dog, endeavor not to go through a tunnel, and so over a picayune see-saw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that." – Milton Jones

Ironically our American friends seem to think the concept that UK cops are aggressive is ridiculous:

  • "In England the Law don't take a gun and you don't accept a gun. If you commit a crime the Police force will say 'finish, or I'll say stop over again!'" – Robin Williams

4. Cops are corrupt

I've just got one response to this unfortunate stereotype:

Afterwards a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Primary Inspector McTavish has announced that he is looking for a man with ane eye. If he doesn't discover him, he'southward going to utilize both optics.
  • "Anybody says that the Police force are corrupt can kiss my Rolex!" – Alfie Moore

5. Cops are a bit racist

Those with a nervous disposition and a penchant for political correctness should stop reading now:

  • "How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None. They'd arrest the seedling for being broke and beat up the room for being black." – Betimes

Stereotype? What stereotype?

Yous've probably noticed these stereotypes feel a tad on the negative side and y'all may exist wondering how I experience about that.

The answer is that I'k absolutely delighted.

I believe that the British tradition of poking fun at authority figures is very good for you. The Constabulary stand for ability and authority, and that attracts humour. Nosotros are allowed to brand the jokes, and laugh at them, because we have freedom of speech. That's why we share videos of our Prime Minister dancing like she'southward beingness tasered. It'due south funny!

Sadly, not everyone has this basic human being right. The most controversial joke, in fact the only joke, in North Korea today would probably exist:

  • "Why did the Supreme Ultimate Leader cross the road? To become an official Democratic People's Democracy of Korea land approved hair cut" – Alfie Moore

I bet Dogberry would discover that gag absolutistly hilarious…

Long live our love of Constabulary jokes and our freedom to tell them.

Listen to Alfie Moore's Information technology's A Fair Cop here.

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